Saturday, June 24, 2006

Innovative self-cheerleading

In response to the not-so-anonymous :) I wish to clarify that the higher being with which I am familiar doesn't desire anyone to be in a state of denial but on a course of aspiration and progression, and while I am one who questions the dubious outcome of "fake it till you make it" I realize that the road to "perfection" requires some innovative self-cheerleading, even self-hypnosis in a case as self-aware as mine.

And artist or no, I'm concerned that I not even begin to set my self apart so as to justify my considerable penchant for selfish languor or cantankerous ruin. Having different challenges I find myself resorting to unusual strategems in order to conquer and even momentary victories only reveal a new (and simultaneously old) series of trenches.

Naturally, the cycle will only end once I assume my right to choose my path instead of allowing the wind to toss me to and fro (James 1:6).

Nonetheless, a whopping thanks for your ever kind and generous commentary.

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Melancholy and other forms of madness...

Since I have no reputation there's little to stop these mini-diatribes from turning lunatic, lewd, malicious, etc. except that I wonder if there's not some record being made in heaven. My thoughts are already sometimes black, and if I were to double their darkness by loosing them here it would be catastrophic to my dwindling spiritual ego and reverse any residual accolades remaining were I to repent.

It's funny that I'd always had a peripheral understanding of agency, of right vs. wrong and yet never discerned the devilish grins swimming in my melancholy and other forms of madness.

I keep wishing both that I had never gotten myself so mired and that I had some uniquely sympathetic earthly soul who could share in the comprehension of my utter stupidity. :) Lest I become too much like the adversary, who wishes that all become miserable like unto himself I'll forego furthering the aforementioned.

Le sigh. Let's hope I find better days.

Friday, June 16, 2006


Are there any other retail workers out there? Specifically, are there any other sufferers of retail labor? Sad but true the blogosphere probably has a host of whiners, rant-and-ravers, etc. but I have to say my whimsical piece about the absurdity of being a cog in the machine.

Such absurdity emerges in its most banal when for the hundredth time I've recommended the M&M two for a dollar special to a diabetic; as I'm unfazed by a monolithic wall of cigarettes peering back at me with cancerous fatality; when I can't end a conversation without saying, "Thank you! Have a nice day!" and so on.

Customer service wouldn't irk me if I could while away more than a few minutes conversing with the talky spinsters, the charming college-goers, the winsome moms and spit-fire fathers instead of scuttling them the moment they have their receipt. Lines in retail/grocery shouldn't be divided based on the number of items but more on the mood of the individuals. Doubtless the conversationalist line would have fewer patrons, but that's as it should be since we'll have to talk longer anyway. You'd have a robotic high-speed register clerk at your "I left the iron on, water boiling, my teenage daughter and a mangy, tattooed guitarist together on the couch" line, so they could hear "Hello. Receipt. Thanks for coming!" and rocket to put out whatever fires were plaguing them in due time. There's also the line for cigarette buyers, which would boil down to little more than a dispenser that would require them to show their I.D.--here the receipt, a bag, and perhaps even "Hello" would be moot considerations--more intrusion than adequate customer service.

I suppose retail in general is aggravating because it, like the DMV, the post office, the airport, etc. is little more than a people processor: managers tend to think more in numbers than faces (customer service anymore boils down to "Ka-ching!" instead of courtesy and community--call me a cynic) and the store's geography itself is meant to induce superfluous purchases rather than to provoke warmth or to foster happiness.

Granted, this may be more of my malcontented bile issuing like a deluge onto the already encrusted sickness of cyberspace, but I've reached my ceiling of empty courtesy. I'm taking back humanity, one Walgreens at a time. LOL.

Seriously, it seems to me that like our politicians--thank you, George Carlin--Walgreens, if indeed it is a grey hulking machine sucking people in and spewing them out minus a prescription and a few 4x6s worth of money, is only symptomatic of us as a whole, both collectively and individually. I can't blame the corporate machine; whether acting as a component or penniless opponent I still have to take action. No one robs us of our agency, our fresh air, our love, or our enduring happiness but us. Doubtless I have yet to fully embrace that lesson, simple though it is.

Now, lest I lose the inertia momentarily granted by thoughts not entirely my own, I'll tear myself away from parasitic technology and try doing something truly productive. Adieu.

Friday, June 02, 2006

Devilish carrots

I've come to realize the reasons why sin is so attractive (at least from a personal perspective)--or at the very least, why it is so addictive in contrast with righteousness. I say so at great personal cost because I may betray my deepest inadequacies to the discerning reader. Thankfully, this is one of the last unvisited bastions of the internet.

Sinful behavior (and for the non-religious this would best be labeled "dumb" behavior, since to the believer that's really what sin boils down to anyway) creates a vacuum hollowed out by regret, shame, sorrow, misery, etc. The individual thus suffering from such will then desire some kind of reprieve, and due to the harrowing nature of the aforementioned conditions will typically not have the patience needed for more enduring relief.

Righteousness, on the other hand, is deeply fulfilling and while not always immediately (nor intensely) gratifying, doesn't create a vacuum but new substance/sustinence--new challenges and horizons, (even revelations?). To clarify, much of righteous behavior involves ritual immersion and patient, concentrated effort, and more often than not, little to no adrenaline. (This is not to say that there is no chemical emission involved in spiritual transcendence, only that the experience promotes peace as opposed to aggression.) Therefore, a person isn't compelled to continue doing righteous deeds as they are with sinful practice, since righteousness is the only course that offers true satisfaction as opposed to a piecemeal gratification, the proverbial devilish carrot on the primrose path.

I say all of this not because it is new to the religiously educated or spiritually discerning, but because it is new to me, a person of spiritually meager intelligence. Over and over again I'm reminded of how little I know.