Since I have no reputation there's little to stop these mini-diatribes from turning lunatic, lewd, malicious, etc. except that I wonder if there's not some record being made in heaven. My thoughts are already sometimes black, and if I were to double their darkness by loosing them here it would be catastrophic to my dwindling spiritual ego and reverse any residual accolades remaining were I to repent.
It's funny that I'd always had a peripheral understanding of agency, of right vs. wrong and yet never discerned the devilish grins swimming in my melancholy and other forms of madness.
I keep wishing both that I had never gotten myself so mired and that I had some uniquely sympathetic earthly soul who could share in the comprehension of my utter stupidity. :) Lest I become too much like the adversary, who wishes that all become miserable like unto himself I'll forego furthering the aforementioned.
Le sigh. Let's hope I find better days.
I don't understand why living in a state of denial of one's true feelings would please any greater being. If one is feeling sad and melancholy and blue then my vote is always to admit it and deal with it rather than live in a state of denial - just not a river in Egypt. I always think sadness has a root cause...It's finding the cause that is the problem and dealing with it...
ReplyDeleteThat said you are in good company. People with an artistic bent are often malcontents...
;)