Monday, January 24, 2005

A captive audience ...

I've just realized the ignominy: the flaming counter at the bottom of my BLOG doesn't distinguish between visits I make to my BLOG and those of true "visitors." Therefore, I am likely the most faithful patron to my lonely corner of the cyberverse. That's right. Cyberverse. Somebody copyright it quick!

Of course, what this also means is that my BLOG is less me reaching out into the void than me finding another void in a virtual world, another case of me judging myself a better sounding board than everyone and their dog. Admittedly, I long ago dispatched any hopes of being truly humble, unless a miracle happens---(naturally there's a vast difference between crossing one's fingers and taking up one's cross)---so I'm really just relishing myself again, not superficially, since being so superficial I hate the way I look; it is my mind, however, in which I've come to exult. No, I do not consider myself a genius---that's too lofty a title. It's this labrynthine means of examining everything and strangely in that exploration making everything ten times more intriguing than it most likely should be that captivates me. How did I come to it?? Too many hours musing upon fictional landscapes, home-made narrow escapes, and partial adventures? Maybe I've lingered in my personal expanse, absent-mindedly forgetting ultimate realities... or perhaps embracing them more than immediate imperatives. I don't know... and again, that's the spectral punctuation that fuels my fascination: the question mark.

Maybe the tragic reason I'm not married is because I want someone who can walk this imaginative, pseudo-obsessive road with me, even though it clearly is a road that I've taken deliberate pains to protect against intrusion. Maybe the reason I've ever been alone is because I, in emotional, possibly romantic, fatalistic martyrdom, feel like I'm doomed to it. This because I've probably seen too many movies... or too few.

I wrote more, but got lost in the rumination, and didn't like it afterward. Yet another joy of the internet and associated technologies: the power to edit! Hurrah!

So adieu, me, myself and I... brethren. Until next we congregate.

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