Saturday, October 09, 2004

Meet me, Mr. Psychosis

Okay, so I looked up psychosis and it's pretty much right on the money. Tonight my roomies threw some kind of uber-happy latin shindig and every cell in my epidermis (at least) revolted at the idea. Am I not a party man? I like the night-life. I like to boogie. Or could it be that I am STUBBORN, STUBBORN, STUBBORN!? Hmmm. Food for thought, not to be eaten after midnight. (It gives me the bends just thinking about it.)

If, I may, however: I should justify as I do so well by saying that I honestly feel terrified by said social gatherings with large groups of people, music, and giggly good-times. Of course, I can't clinically verify that I suffer a social anxiety disorder, but even if I did I don't really believe that disorders, especially of the social variety, are anything more than mentally painting oneself into a corner and not being able to leave w/o a good therapist paid at exorbitant rates. So there goes my talent at justification.

Seriously, though, is there anyone else out there who identifies/empathizes/gives a darn? I'm almost certain at least a few people think it's pure idiocy to be frightened of fellow human beings, especially when they're friendly, but I can't help but feel my palms ooze and my brain rattle when I realize I've got to "hang out" in a large group.

Or maybe I'm feeling like Wednesday in Addam's Family Values, stranded at a camp of psychotically chipper white people and forced to endure Care Bears movies. Spewwww!

Ahem! Anyway, as you can tell I could go on forever, if it weren't for a combination of bile and Gatorade mix circling dangerously in my esophagus.

Until later, world!


  1. I can definitely identify with the not liking big groups thing... I like smaller groups better. I'm sure that has been evident.

  2. Popping in some aluminium/magnesium hyrdroxide might just help the gastroesophageal reflux ;)

  3. Oh, and I just glaced through a previous post of yours, and I just wanted to think God cant do with some good ol' humour and whackiness every now and then??? You should be glad you're providing Him with something more unique and less mundane! Being whack is fun!
    And I just read your comment on my blog....I've had a blog for quite a while now. Approx. 4-5 months, with an entry a day. And I deleted the entire darn thing. Seriously, I dont know why. Yep, another whacko!

    And do you study biology? You're posts are very life-sciences oriented!

  4. Oh, well, I agree God has a sense of humor, but I don't believe that he laughs at any attitudes, behaviors, etc. that make His children collectively or individually miserable. So yeah, I've got some stuff to get over . . . :)

    And I've tried everything when it comes to gastrointestinal dysfunction. I think the cure for IBS is attitude adjustment, sprinkled with Pepto.

    Oh, and I actually graduated w/ a degree in Visual Arts, and a few minors. I'm currently trying to get into some grad film school ----er, anywhere they'll have me!

    But I appreciate your love of wackiness. I'm a nut, or a legume, I can't decide which; and I think that makes me lovable!

  5. when i lived away from home (and please god... may that happen again soon) i lived with terminally social roommates whom i despised with the fire of a thousand suns. they would have shindigs in our apartment and i would sit in my room googling pox spells. i also avoided family home evenings and the dreaded after-parties of ward prayer. why? because i didn't plan them. i am an absolute party-monkey. i love them. but when i don't have any part in who is there and why they're there and what we're all planning on getting out of it, i hate them and i will do anything to get out of them. an aspect of... yes... social phobia. so it wasn't YOUR party that you didn't want to be at. it was someone ELSE'S party you didn't want to be at. i think that's perfectly legit. (unless it's my party, and then i'll kick your butt unless you pay me off with sparkly gifts.) it's all an aspect of hermitude, my dear taylor. nothing to be ashamed of. take it from the queen of selective hermitude.

  6. The rub is this: I want to be social. I'd like to be thought a warm, caring person. One does become caring lurking menacingly in their room while one's roommates carry on with a party. I didn't even want to crack the door! When a friend popped her head in, I still remained seated, just out of a stubborn refusal to attempt to enjoy myself. But noooooooooo . . . another breed of gremlins was already running through a series of worse-case scenarios wherein I would be humiliated, sound like a complete ignoramus, or otherwise generally make women loathe me more than they already do.

    So again I linger . . .

  7. But I dont get the reason behind you trying to be aloof. Perhaps you're just exhausted? I tend not to entertain people when I'm really tired.

    And yeah, I guess I'll start blogging some time soon! :p

  8. Wow, seven comments! You're so popular.

  9. Ah, but you'll note that at least a few of them are mine.
    And to Sabi: Yahoo! Woot! Wot-wot! and Yippee-ki-ay!
    Also, I'm aloof because I'm still getting over my shyness I knew as a young man. The thing about a party: I feel like I can do better things w/ my time than to stand around, or pretend as if I have the coordination to "groove." I've got rhythm in phat daddy truckloads, but I never could master the "cuban action" my social dance instructor hoped to teach us. So, in "long," I find the party scene, especially as it exists amidst Mormon culture . . . well, uninspiring. Most likely I've seen too many movies. Scratch that, and don't tell a soul. I want my movie obsession to remain a secret.